Mommy Meltdown Moments

Every day without fail my 3 year old son has a meltdown of sorts. The largeness of the meltdown depends on him having taken a nap at nap time. Just today, he had a meltdown moment in the car when I told him we could not eat at the McDonald's in the Wal-Mart but we were going to go to the other. Straight volcano of tears erupted from his eyeballs. He decided to have noodle legs as we walked from the store to our vehicle. After arriving home, we sat down and ate our dinner. I thought the coast was clear but then 10 minutes into our meal, he decides to have a crying fit because they forgot pickles on his hamburger. (As you may have guessed by now, no nap at school during nap time.) Needless to say, I got him to watch his new Mario Brothers movie in his room. He fell asleep on my lap after the movie was over. Bedtime came early like I knew it would. I was drained by the end of his day and in tears my own self. I wanted to have a meltdown myself but had to keep it together. I was going to call a mommy sister-friend in OHIO but was too exhausted to talk. So I just cried. I just felt like a terrible mother.

How many Mommies out there have meltdown moments? How many actually allow yourself to have one? I can raise my hands a few times to neither question. I don't. I don't allow myself to have a major meltdown like my 3 year old, like my then 10 year old step daughter. It's something about children who don't feel the need to have a meltdown on you because they're tired or moody, or hormonal or just downright mad because they didn't get their way. They take the liberty to fall don on the ground and kick and scream. They don't ask permission to refuse to obey the simplest of request or command. They just do want they want and have a meltdown moment.

But Mommies, what about our meltdown moment? When do we get to just throw a tantrum because we are not being respected or heard? When do we get to just stop making the world go 'round for our precious seeds? We don't. We can't. We have a responsibility to nurture and care (and for some of us, a lot of us) and provide and protect our children. We do not have the right to take our anger out on our children violently. So that means our meltdowns have to come in another form of release.

Mommy Meltdown Moment (CPS approved, or at least not in violation of correct child rearing):

-get a babysitter or a mommy's helper for an hour or two
-remove yourself from the situation and take a bath or a shower (if they are of proper age to be left alone without supervision)
-just stare at them while they are having a meltdown and think of a calm location you can actually see yourself visiting. TDisclaimer: this is not suggesting you to check out mentally; it is a fun version of what many therapist suggest one do when they need to diffuse their anger, i.e. Count to ten, breathe in and out for 10 seconds, etc.)

Please feel free to add more ways mothers can release (violent free) in the moment the pressure or frustration raising children can bring.

Blessings from one Mommy to another,
Aurellia

Is a Village Necessary?

Many of you have heard of the saying attibuted to the African people, "It takes a village to raise a child." This "proverb" is heard from the Pulpit to the Halfway House, from Main Street to the White House. While this saying may be true, is it necessary that the village raises each person's children? There can be an argument for both (and for the record, I agree with the saying and its necessity) but for the sake of thought, I ask: "Who is in this village and do I really want you to aid it the raising of my son?"

In today's world, there are a lot of people in our "villages" that are just not who we want to pour their "knowledge" into our children. Let's leave out the drug dealer and the street walker (those are understood not good village people) but what about those whose way of parenting we don't think is morally kosher? And what about the people whose hearts are just not pure? Is this the village person we want to correct our child? What are they correcting? Is it a legitimate correction or is it their own propaganda that they are spreading and trying to infiltrate that into the minds of our children?

I know this may not make sense to some and you may ask yourself or to the person next to you, "Where is she going with this?" But I was thinking about this concept the other day as I was having a "discussion" with someone regarding my son and their way of correcting/chastising him. I didn't agree with what he was trying to instill in my child and it was in opposition of what I wanted him to learn and know. I have many in my village and I want the village to aid me in raising an AWESOME man, but what do I do when the village's child development views and philosophies does not match mine?

*Aurellia*

Random Thoughts--Bioparents, Nightmares and shoes

Normally my blogs have a theme and are clear and concise but this morning, I don't have one topic I'd like to talk about but rather I have lots of little thoughts that might interest you reader.

For starters, I just want to say that it does a disservice to every child born to be raised by only one parent. Yes, I know everyone has a story and that not all parents want to have the other parent around co-parenting. However, that does not negate the statement above. Every child born should be raised, reared, co-parented (whichever term you chose) by both of their biological parents.

Next, parents, you don't need permission to protect your children. They were entrusted to you, so make sure you do all you can to keep them safe-emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically. My son has been having all sorts of night-mares, -tremors, -fears. It has been brutally exhausting for me because I am not able to sleep while or after he has been screaming and calling "Mommy" and "Daddy". So, it begs the question: What is his little spirit that is keeping him disturbed and tormented in his sleep at night. So, I'll be investigating and praying.

Lastly, how many shoe sizes is my son going to go up in the next couple of months?!?!?! I mean, I just bought him his ever beloved Disney brand Cars sneakers from my most favorite discounted shoe store and his size increased a whole half size in one month. THIS is why I purchase his school shoes from my most favorite discounted shoe store.

Have a great day bloggers. Continue being a Mom. You really are the only one they have...

Blessings,
Aurellia

Frustration Wars

How many times have you had to have a tug-of-war or struggle with your toddler? It's bathtime and they are struggling against you to go to the bathroom. They are holding on for dear life to the couch they are laying down on. It's bedtime and they are playing hide and seek with you in hopes that you will not find them hiding ever so cleverly in the same spot they always go to for refuge. It's a flat out war. And what is even worse is the war you are having with yourself. You are trying your hardest not to get frustrated with this little two-, three-, or four-year-old replica of yourself. Frustration War! How many of you have them on a constant bases? I know I do...every day.

But it literally takes me leaving my toddler to his little shenanigans for a few minutes while I diffuse the pressure that has built up inside of me. I have to tell myself over and over again, This is normal behavior for a three-year-old little boy. And while the behavior is not acceptable (no matter how normal it is), it is no point allowing my frustration with him explode into a full out war with Self.

Mommy's, they do love you and they do want to make you happy, but their brains are not there yet--they still will (attempt to) do what they want to do. Stay calm. Stay pleasant. And breathe. Don't allow their wars to create a frustration war within you.

Blessings to you Mommy,
Aurellia