About Me
- Aurellia
- Aurellia Anderson is a passionate woman about God. She enjoys inspiring and encouraging others to live their life on purpose (even when her own life needs a pick-me-up). She is a hospital Chaplain, licensed minister with the Evangelical Covenant Church, and the President of her own company, Hidden Gem (www.HiddenGemCo.com). A mother, entrepreneur, ChurchChick(TM) , and just your average ray of sunshine-Welcome to the Personal Blog of Aurellia Anderson.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Grief & Motherhood-"Suck it up and keep it movin'!'"
Hi Moms and Mom-Types. It has been a while since I have blogged. I've been a little bogged down with Mommy-hood and work. But nevertheless I am here today. I hope you've all been well. Something I want to reflect on today is a little heavy but important nonetheless. I want to reflect on Grieving as an active Mom-Type.
Moms go through loss at the most inopertune time: while taking care of children. The loss experienced may be one of a key relationship in the home (spouse or partner), a job/financial role, or death. And during the time we are experiencing the pains and emotions of the death, there are children to raise. How do we do both and do them well? To be honest, there is no such thing as doing both WELL. At times there is simply just "doing both" and doing both is enough.
A co-worker/friend of mine is experiencing a loss today-death through tragedy and she has a young adult daughter whom she is not raising but is involved in her health. How does she focus on her grieving and yet attend to the special health needs of her daughter? How do we, who experience marital losses and severe financial losses, grieve those losses and still be ever so emotionally and spiritually present to our children? Bottom-line: It's hard.
We tend to "suck it up" and keep it moving. We push our own grief work aside and focus on the health and welfare of the children. We "put on a happy face" and continue cooking, cleaning, bathing, dressing, assisting, transporting while we are torn up inside. And the by the time we have our alone time to cry, vent, journal we are too sleepy and just lay it down for the night only to have a sleepless night (or self-medicate and be in a self-induced temporary coma for 8-10 hours). Why do we do this? It is what we are encouraged to do by well meaning loved ones. Children come first. Our pain is secondary.
Moms and Mom-Types, as a person who works in grief and loss 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and who has and is still doing her own grief work and raising a preschooler, I encourage you to take a day or two of the week and put your grief work FIRST. If you don't give honor to your own loss and sense of hurt, it will creep up on you at the most inconvenienced time and may do more damage than the initial grief.
Our children are important and making sure they are safe and secure SHOULD be our priority but our delayed grief work may be more detrimental to them in the long run. Seek the help of close family and friends or from a professional grief or family counselor.
Blessings to you all in your healing,
Aurellia
Moms go through loss at the most inopertune time: while taking care of children. The loss experienced may be one of a key relationship in the home (spouse or partner), a job/financial role, or death. And during the time we are experiencing the pains and emotions of the death, there are children to raise. How do we do both and do them well? To be honest, there is no such thing as doing both WELL. At times there is simply just "doing both" and doing both is enough.
A co-worker/friend of mine is experiencing a loss today-death through tragedy and she has a young adult daughter whom she is not raising but is involved in her health. How does she focus on her grieving and yet attend to the special health needs of her daughter? How do we, who experience marital losses and severe financial losses, grieve those losses and still be ever so emotionally and spiritually present to our children? Bottom-line: It's hard.
We tend to "suck it up" and keep it moving. We push our own grief work aside and focus on the health and welfare of the children. We "put on a happy face" and continue cooking, cleaning, bathing, dressing, assisting, transporting while we are torn up inside. And the by the time we have our alone time to cry, vent, journal we are too sleepy and just lay it down for the night only to have a sleepless night (or self-medicate and be in a self-induced temporary coma for 8-10 hours). Why do we do this? It is what we are encouraged to do by well meaning loved ones. Children come first. Our pain is secondary.
Moms and Mom-Types, as a person who works in grief and loss 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and who has and is still doing her own grief work and raising a preschooler, I encourage you to take a day or two of the week and put your grief work FIRST. If you don't give honor to your own loss and sense of hurt, it will creep up on you at the most inconvenienced time and may do more damage than the initial grief.
Our children are important and making sure they are safe and secure SHOULD be our priority but our delayed grief work may be more detrimental to them in the long run. Seek the help of close family and friends or from a professional grief or family counselor.
Blessings to you all in your healing,
Aurellia
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