Thoughts and Questions from a Mom 2875mi but 1 Prayer Away from Sandy Hook, CT

Hello Moms and Mom-Types. My heart has been saddened since this past Friday morning. On my way to a Palliative Care meeting, I learned of a fatal shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut. As the morning news went on, I (along with the rest of the country) learned that a young adult man killed many children and adults at a neighborhood elementary school. Two days later we know that a 20-year-old man killed 20 6- and 7-year-old boys and girls along with 6 of their adult school personnel.

On my way to work this morning, I walked into my neighborhood Starbucks. After ordering my usual, my head turned and my eyes became locked onto the image on the front page of the newspaper: The names of those killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School Massacre. At the top of that text box was the list of the names of 20 6-and 7-year old girls and boys. Below that list were the names of the adult victims of the shooter. I turned away...

I am trying my hardest not to read or watch anything else about this event. As my readers may know, I have am a mother of a Kinder. To know the innocence of the lives of these precious children is to truly know God. And I just tear up thinking of the moments they and their surviving classmates experienced.

As I listened to the father of one of the child victims, one thing I knew for sure: When a child dies, racial prejudices and political affiliations go out of the window FAST. NO one cares about whether the child was affluent or poor, no one cares about who his or her parents were. They were senselessly taken from this world. Period. When a child is killed (whether it's one or 20), there is a sort of sense of loss for mental comprehension amongst us. Even those who have NEVER had a child will shed a tear and whisper a "Why?"

This tragedy speaks volumes to so many nuances in our society today. What is to be said about the perpetrator and the way in which his mind worked? What is to be said for the presence of guns in his home? What is to be said about the desensitization of violence in America? What is to be said to the demoralization of today's citizens?

It's not that I (we) don't care about what happens to children everyday around the world; we do. But this event came closer to home and was LOUD. It rings loud in our ears that SOMETHING is not right in the country that we say is "One Nation Under God". When certain destructive tragedies occur in America, it wakes us up (like 9/11) because these types of events aren't "common-place". But, like President Barack Obama said in his statement, events like these are happening too often.

What is to be done? A lot. But where do we begin? And with whom do we begin our work?

Moms and Mom-Types, something isn't right when massacre type killings are happening and there is no military warfare occurring. Let us continue to pray for the families who lost loved ones in this killing and other killings like it.

Blessings to the Community of Sandy Hook Elementary School, CT,
Aurellia Anderson

Sick Day for Me...Mommy Morning for Him

Hi Moms and Mom-Types! It's been a while...again. But all is well. Well sort of. I'm off work today sick. I get these periodical sinus infections that are completely annoying because I can't be at work with my patients and their families. However, being sick today allowed me to attend my son's Chapel Wednesday Service. He was excited, his teacher was excited and you already know I was excited.

So there I was on the floor mat with son in my lap signing the Preschool/Kinder version of Praise&Worship songs. As I am rocking side to side my brain and my heart finally connected and I absorbed the words he (they) was singing, "I Adore Youuuuu..." Tears started to well up in my eyes. Not only for the fact that I was spending time with my 5yr old bu also because I was able to witness the beginning stages of his Christian Formation. He was belting out the words and holding on to my hands. My heart was overwhelmed.

Nothing like a moment in the presence of God and the Angels singing Gloria!

Blessings to you this Season of Love,
Aurellia

Real Feelings of a MinistryMom

Hi Moms and Mom-Types! I can't believe it's been more than a month since I have last graced you with a blog entry. I guess that is the life of a working mother. (Working Mother=outside of the home working mother.) Which is what I have been thinking about lately.

Some of you may know, I am a working mother (MinistryMom I'd like to call myself) and on top of that, Working Single Mother. There are times when I feel like I am being judged because I choose to follow the voice of God and my calling while the mother of a KinderBoy. Anyone who knows me, my heart is to be a stay-at-home working mother but life has not played me that hand. So then I am left with the question: "Am I out of order because I am pursuing the call of God to be own and build my own company?" I have those in my life who would say "Yes" and I have those who would say "No". What is God saying?

As I struggle with this internal pressure to please God inside and outside of my home, I know that being a mother is my first priority. But what exactly does that look like? Does it mean stop building my company? Does it mean take a decrease in pay so I can only work when his school is in session? Does it mean live in low-income house so I can afford to stay home with him?

I don't know about other MinistryMoms, EntrepreneurMoms, WorkingMoms but I ask myself these questions and really do wonder about God's call for women to do the work of God outside of the home. Is it only work to be done by women who don't have children or have children in the home? And if I was to step back and lay aside the work set before me until my son is out of the home will I feel like I am not seizing the moment for such as the time as this?

Blessings,

Aurellia

Recommended Read for Moms and Mom-Types...

Yay! It's Fall!

Hi Moms and Mom-Types. I must say that this year has gone by soooo fast but I will say that I am grateful the season of Fall is here. Here in Northern California, we are still having Summer weather but soon the air will be crisp and the leaves will change color. I can't wait! Even more exciting are all the activities my little one and I will get to do: Pumpkin Patches, Football Games, Long Sleeved Shirts and Disney Character-Styled rain boots. I love Fall!

Moms and Mom-Types: What are you anticipating to do this Fall Season with your little one? Whatever your plans are, make sure they are fun and enjoyable!

Blessings,

Aurellia

Ideas/Activities to do with your little one this Fall Season:

1. Make Candy Apples
2. Make Hot Chocolate Beverage (add different flavors like Butterscotch)
3. Decorate the house with Paper Cut-out leaves

4. Take a Trip to your local Pumpkin Patch

5. Go on a Hayride

If you have other ideas, post here!!

Doctor Mothers...and Weekend Ideas

Good Morning Moms and Mom-Types. As I was driving to work this morning, I noticed I was on the road with one of my hospital's physicians. This physician is a mother-a working mother. There it was, 6:45a and she, like me, was heading in to work with child(ren) at home. You know, I didn't feel so bad about being a working mother. Yes, I would love to be at home with my son to take him to school, volunteer in his classroom, pick him up from school (not after-care)-the whole nine. But that is not my story at this point in my life. And the truth of the matter, there are all sorts of working mothers. There are Governor moms and Environmental Specialist mothers; Preacher moms and CEO mommies. We leave our children in the hands of their other parent, our families, loved ones, licensed care providers, teachers, etc. So, all will be well until it is as we want it to be.

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On a lighter note: IT'S FRIDAY!! What are you weekend plans? Ours will be filled with cleaning rooms, washing the car and vacuuming out the dirty chip crumbed floors, Kinder Basketball (he loves it, he really loves it) and Pop-Warner Football Cheerleading (yes, I got sucked into being a coach again--but I love it!), a kid birthday party and an adult birthday party, and Church worship service and our Sabbath rest).

Spend your weekend doing what it is you want to do and need to do most. Don't fill it with a schedule of events and tasks that mean absolutely nothing to you and your families happiness. Peace is key!

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Great ways to spend a weekend:

1. Go the park
2. Bike ride around your neighborhood
3. Bake
4. Clean/Chores in a new and different way
5. Attend a religious service of your Faith Tradition
6. Call someone you've not spoken to in a long time
7. Say "I Love You!"
8. Read a short story
9. Eat ice cream or a snow cone
10. Veg out and just "lay like broccoli"...(line from Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman-lol)

Blessings,
Aurellia

Focus on What Matters Most...and Tips on How to Avoid Exhaustion

Hi Moms and Mom-Types. I just signed my lil big boy up for his first basketball league (non-competitive, of course). I thought about the schedule that I will have and almost decided to un-sign him. Why? Well, because I will be EXHAUSTED. I thought to myself, One more item to add to the Daily Task List and one more line item for the household (single income) budget. Grrr! But then, in my mind, I fast forwarded to his life fifteen years later and realized that he will no longer be with me to experience daily life...and my growl vanished.

What matters most at this point in his life (and mine) is the time we spend together learning new things and just being a kid with his mom.

Working moms and mom-types, I know it's challenging to fit everything in but we must focus on what matters most...our kids and participating in their lives.

Blessings,
Aurellia

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Ways to Avoid Exhaustion from a Busy Schedule: (in no order)

1. Find your own quiet time

Carve out some time in your schedule to just sit and be quiet. Prayer. Meditation. Yoga. These work at centering your energy/mind.

2. Get others to help you complete tasks

I know that you don't trust everyone with your child, so you may not be able to have someone else complete a task which your child is involved. However, you can ask a co-worker, friend, family member complete other tasks for you (mail run, grocery store, etc).

3. Eliminate items from your Schedule/Task List that really are NOT important or necessary

Let's get real, some things are just not THAT important. I am not to judge what isn't important on your task list but you can simply weigh its importance by the energy you DON'T have. Is it a matter of someone's "life or death" that a task must be completed? That is heavy but it's true. Does someone's life or death depend on you attending the quilt making party? Probably not, unless it is the party that you are hosting. Get what I'm saying?

4. Laugh

Laughing is all apart of our moods and energy because it creates endorphine power. Endorphines work for us and is necessary. "[Laughter] enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain" (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-relief/SR00034).

5. Maintain a Proper Diet

This is the area where I am the worst. I get so busy that I forget to eat, believe it or not. But our bodies need to be nourished in order to have the energy to take care of all that we need. We must do better if we aren't maintaining a proper diet.

6. Get at least 7 hours of sleep

Sleep has been studied time and time again. Get some sleep and make sure you rest. "Sleep is not a luxury," says Dr. James O'Brien, medical director of the Boston SleepCare Center in Waltham, Mass. "It's a necessity for optimal functioning" (http://blogs.hbr.org/hmu/2009/01/why-sleep-is-so-important.html)

Listen to your MommyTuition

*This blog is dedicated to my Cousin who just has her first child-a little girl- and my Sister-Friend who recently adopted her nephew. Love you both and welcome to this journey of MommyWorld.

Good Evening Moms and Mom-Types. I must say that this blog entry is being written with frustration and tears. I am having a hard time putting my son to sleep because he has been unintentionally trained to only go to sleep with me by his side. How and why did this training come about? I listened to someone else instead of my MommyTuition. You know, MommyTuition. That intuitive instinct us Moms and Mom-Types get when we just know something of a hunch. All moms have it and need to use it.

When my son was a little youngster, I had a family member tell me that I needed to let my son sleep in bed with me because he needs to bond with me. This relative was older and so I felt compelled to listen to her. Unbeknownst to me at the time that this little effort to comfort him would create in him a dependence on me to sleep. I should've listened to what my Intuition as a mother was telling me: Don't do it. 

As a newborn he didn't sleep in bed with his parents. As a toddler he didn't sleep with his parents. Because I work outside of the home and have a hectic schedule as a working mother, our time together IS limited and so I understood her point. BUT at the end of the day, I am his mother and I needed to have trusted what I was hearing about my own child. 

As a young in age mother I felt insecure of my parenting because of just that, my age. I believed (and still do at times) that because I am a young in age mother (even though I have years of parenting experience as a result of being a stepmother), everyone else knows better than me. Truth is, we moms and mom-types have to trust the voice inside. As mother's we have to trust what he are hearing and feeling within us about our children. Especially us "young in age" mothers. 

I'm not saying defy the wisdom of those who've been there and done that. I'm just saying trust yourself and the spirit of mothering and parenting in you. 

Blessings. 

Aurellia 

Strawberry Flavored Toothpaste and Gut Instincts

Hello Moms and Mom-Types out there! As I gear up for my preschoolers Preschool Graduation, I can’t help but think about this role of being a mother. See, some of you may think that I am a first time mother but truth is, I was a mother before I was a mother. A wonderful wedding gift I was given was the privilege of being a full time step mother of school aged children. The ages ranged from preschool to preteen. I also was a foster mother of two late teen-aged girls. So when I speak from the perspective of a mother, I believe I’m validated to speak.

I have a dear Sister-Friend who will step into the role of mother tomorrow. She is adopting her cousin’s son. She is a little nervous. She’s been doing what most of first time mommies do and read up on different aspects of parenting. I commend her for this. She is even researching how to help him have good oral hygiene. I mean, after all, you must be sure that your child has good dental hygiene so it is imperative to make dental care “fun”. (She’s my good sister-friend so I can make fun of her this way.) When I read this post on her social media page, I blurted out a laugh. Why is that funny? Because this is what we do when we don’t “know” from experience what to do: We research the expert advice and opinion and proceed from there. See, when I was beginning to teach my son to brush his teeth, I bought the cartoon strawberry flavored toothpaste because it was “cute”. And now that he is older, he uses what I use and I tell him to “brush”. She, on the other hand, was thinking more analytically about the act. She wanted to ensure that he was motivated to take on a good habit.

I laugh even now because this is what we do when we don’t “know” from experience what to do. We search outside of ourselves to find out what to do. My Sister-Friend is nervous because she doesn’t want to get it wrong. She has been given the task, duty, responsibility to care and nurture, rear and raise up, a man-child she is adopting. A very daunting task. She wants to make sure that she makes up for whatever societal pressures he may face as a result of a myriad of things. But as a many times over YOUNG mother who has the present role of rearing up a child with just one parent in the home, I have to remind her to breathe and pause. I must tell her that the Spirit of God within her will guide her in the parenting of this child. The expert advice is crucial for matters she does not “know” from experience how to deal with but I know that she already “knows” how to care and how to love and how to protect and how to provide and how to be the priestess over this child. This woman is the TRUTH.

I think of me stepping into the role of mother at a young age. I did read but I most certainly trusted my gut knowledge of being a lover and a nurturer to care for my step-children. Mothering is about expertise but it is so much more about instinct. You see your child is dirty, instinctively you’ll bathe them. If they itch as a result of that bath, you will replay in your mind what soap you used and not use that soap again. For my sister-friend and other women who are first time mothers of your own child or through the spirit of adoption, be encouraged to know that you have everything you need already to be the BEST mother that child needs at this present moment.

Blessings to you, Aurellia

A Mother's Soul's Revelation While on Vacation

O...M...G!!! What in the world was I honking when I decided to take a week long trip without my son!?!? You know what I was thinking? I was thinking how exhausted I was. How burnt out I was beginning to be. I was thinking what EVERY working mother thinks...I Need A Vacation. I told myself that I needed to get away from my environment and just relax. I work really hard (as a lot of mothers do) and i have never had a "real". I knew that if I stayed home on my time off I work I would find something to do that would not be relaxing. I'd find something to clean, something to organize; nothing would be different. So I hopped on a plane. By myself and took off across the country to one of the earths pleasures-Miami's South Beach. Did I have a good time you ask? Well of course I did. I just relaxed. Swam, jet skied, walked the shore, dinner with a sorority sister. Meditated. Prayed. Had a good time. And in he back of my heart was this overwhelming sense that something was missing. I knew exactly what it was when I heard his voice for the first time since I hoped on he plane...my newly turned 5 year old. He was missing. Just his presence makes my world complete. This trip made one thing clear for me--he was enough. It is no secret that I want to be a mother of a whole tribe. But walking along the shore and seeing the other children )and missing mine) it be and so clear- As I desire more this and another of that, he in and of himself is enough for me. His laughter, his naughtiness, his tumbling, his intelligence is enough for me. Moms and mom-types: take a vacation the best way you can. You never know what may be revealed to you while in the quietness of the Spirit. Blessings, Aurellia

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Grief & Motherhood-"Suck it up and keep it movin'!'"

Hi Moms and Mom-Types. It has been a while since I have blogged. I've been a little bogged down with Mommy-hood and work. But nevertheless I am here today. I hope you've all been well. Something I want to reflect on today is a little heavy but important nonetheless. I want to reflect on Grieving as an active Mom-Type.

Moms go through loss at the most inopertune time: while taking care of children. The loss experienced may be one of a key relationship in the home (spouse or partner), a job/financial role, or death. And during the time we are experiencing the pains and emotions of the death, there are children to raise. How do we do both and do them well? To be honest, there is no such thing as doing both WELL. At times there is simply just "doing both" and doing both is enough.

A co-worker/friend of mine is experiencing a loss today-death through tragedy and she has a young adult daughter whom she is not raising but is involved in her health. How does she focus on her grieving and yet attend to the special health needs of her daughter? How do we, who experience marital losses and severe financial losses, grieve those losses and still be ever so emotionally and spiritually present to our children? Bottom-line: It's hard.

We tend to "suck it up" and keep it moving. We push our own grief work aside and focus on the health and welfare of the children. We "put on a happy face" and continue cooking, cleaning, bathing, dressing, assisting, transporting while we are torn up inside. And the by the time we have our alone time to cry, vent, journal we are too sleepy and just lay it down for the night only to have a sleepless night (or self-medicate and be in a self-induced temporary coma for 8-10 hours). Why do we do this? It is what we are encouraged to do by well meaning loved ones. Children come first. Our pain is secondary.

Moms and Mom-Types, as a person who works in grief and loss 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and who has and is still doing her own grief work and raising a preschooler, I encourage you to take a day or two of the week and put your grief work FIRST. If you don't give honor to your own loss and sense of hurt, it will creep up on you at the most inconvenienced time and may do more damage than the initial grief.

Our children are important and making sure they are safe and secure SHOULD be our priority but our delayed grief work may be more detrimental to them in the long run. Seek the help of close family and friends or from a professional grief or family counselor.

Blessings to you all in your healing,
Aurellia

The Amish: I may not agree but I certainly understand

Good Morning Moms! I am not Amish and while I do not agree with some of the ways of the Amish, I can certainly understand why they have set themselves apart from the rest of the world. While giving my son a bath last night, a discovery was made: 3 long welps on the back of his neck. How did I discover these marks? By a loud scream from my son as I was wiping his neck with a soapy washcloth. It stung. I did some investigating and found out that a boy at his preschool "was trying to tear [him] apart." Apparently, my son told the little boy he wasn't his friend (why he said this I am not quite sure) and then the little boy started to fight him. I called the school a little while ago and his teacher told me that she did notice this other little boy pulling on his shirt and my son saying "Stop."

Now I know there are a lot of gaps and holes in this story but I will not focus on those in this blog (since I will be addressing them in real life with the Director of the school). What immediately came to my mind was the Amish culture. They set themselves apart from the rest of the world so they can all be of one mind and raise their children in an environment where the same teaching and rearing is going on. Say what you will but when you have to leave your impressionable preschooler in a school with other children who are being taught the same values and life is not being modeled in the same manner as what your child sees, you begin to look differently at that way of living.

I don't know if I made much sense but gosh, I am wondering about all this "train up a child in the way they should go" business in today's world. We may rear our children in a proper well-behaved way but that doesn't mean that other children are being brought up the same way. I trust that the Angels are protecting and watching.

Blessings,
Aurellia

Fear in Preschoolers

Hi Moms! It has been a crazy time. My son has been completely fearful and afraid of just about anything. He will not want to go to the bathroom alone; he will not want to sleep in his own bedroom; he will not want to sleep without a night light. Sounds normal for a 4-year-old, right? Well, I'm not so sure I'm ok with that rationale.

My son finds himself fearful of bugs that fly in the air, afraid of being alone and other things that are in his life. And I am not accepting that. I feel like if I play into this fear thing, he will be afraid of everything. He has a fear of new people and environments. He is afraid to be on stage and in the spotlight. Now I am not saying that he needs to be a movie star but his reason "being scared" is not an option.

So what have I been doing? Speaking to him from our belief system: God has not given us fear; God is with us; and other truths we believe. I have also told him that he is bigger than a bug, bigger than the dark.

Is it working? Umm... Kind of. It's a daily process but trust, I'm not giving this one up.

Blessings
Aurellia

Lessons learned while teaching

Good Morning Moms! This morning was a good morning with my little one. Why? Because I was reminded of a principle so simple that my own tough days can overshadow.

He was having a rough morning this morning as he did not want to get up and get dressed. He was sleepy yet he had to wake up. As I am struggling to get his clothes on, he resists telling me that it isn't morning time. I told him it was in fact morning time. He says, "No. I don't see the sun." I told him that he couldn't see the sun because we have not been outside yet. We will see the sun once we go outside. This kept him appeased for a while. He gets dressed, we get outside to head to school and he stops us both in our tracks. He gasped and said, "MOMMY! The sun isn't out. See, it's not morning time." I automatically told him that just because the sun isn't out doesn't mean it's not morning time. And then I explained nature more. He seemed to understand.

As soon as those words left my mouth and I finished my statement, I giggled. Sigh. That was a message of encouragement to me. And I hope it is to someone reading this. Just because the "sun" isn't shining in your life (the sun representing good things, positive things, happiness, joy) does not mean that it is not "morning" (morning representing newness, blessing, life, goodness).

We are told that night only lasts for a short time but morning in fact does come.

I learned a lesson while teaching my son about nature. Moments of treasure.

Blessings,
Aurellia

I am about to be in for the ride of my life...and learn how to play Football...

Hi Moms! With all this talk about NFL championship games, I have definitely caught the bug of professional athleticism. And why not? Afterall, I have a preschool boy who is in love with sports...and it wasn't anyone's doing. He just so happens to ask to watch basketball these days. He asked me if we could go to a game. And you know what I said in response? Of course, Yes! So I am planning to get my ducks in a row to take him to see our city's professional basketball team...floor seats. But you want to know what is also up my sleeve? Learn how to play these sports myself.

I have been thinking for the past few days that I need to learn how to play what I am calling "The Top 5" sports my son likes: Basketball, Football, Baseball, Soccer, Golf. I know, golf-a top 5 contender? Well, it is going to be. Not interested in tennis and not really into ice hockey. Even though he did enjoy himself on the ice skating rink...hmmm.

Well, moms (and dads) wish me luck. I am going to have to do my research and learn the rules and fundamentals of these sports and then find some "tutors" (if you will)...and get out there and play. I have to...for my son. I cannot rely on someone else to teach him these things, just like I cannot rely on the church to teach him about Spirituality or school to teach him how to read. I am his parent and it is my honor to be his first teacher...even if it means learning how to play sports at 30 years old. lol.

Blessings from one determined mom to you,
Aurellia

My Resolve to my Son

I am a mother. I am a mother to many but gave birth to only one. One little boy who I am becoming more and more fond of every day. We went ice skating last week for his first time and he had a blast. At first he was scared to go ice skating but then once he got on the ice, there was no stopping him. He did fall down a few times (photos at the bottom) but he just grabbed for me to help me back up and began skating again. It warmed my heart. For sure.

I am looking at the picture of us together from our church's fall festival and he in his Buzz Lightyear costume and me in my Peruvian maiden top...and we look quite happy together. And so I smile.

Truly, he is my angel. His existence has saved me so many times. And for this I am grateful to God for my child. I purpose in my heart to make sure that I am his biggest cheerleader. His greatest critic. His largest fan. And his parent. For the rest of our lives.

When you have children, your life changes. No longer (should it) be about your wants and needs only. It should be about what is the best for your lives. Not what is easiest for you but what would best benefit the emotional, spiritual, physical welfare of your child(ren). Doing what needs to be done...blood, sweat, AND tears.

In this new year, I resolve to be his greatest Mommy...

Blessings,
Aurellia