Aerospace Museum Mayhem

Good Morning. Yesterday was a great day for me and my big boy. We went to the Aerospace Museum of California. He got a chance to have a story read to him about astronauts flying to the moon. Then, we explored the museums displays of real planes used by our country's military and space programs. He actually explored the insides of World War II aircrafts. He was excited. I was excited. Gosh! Just seeing his face light up made my whole day.

Now, mind you, I was with a 4-year-old boy...open space...and aircraft. Yes, I had to chase him down a couple of times threatening to end our visit short. He was determined to run the whole entire experience. Many times I had to deepen my voice and command attention and obedience. It was hilarious. I couldn't let that show, of course, but it was funny at how excited and motivated he was to explore this space.

It was our first activity of the day. And, actually, our only outside activity for the day (our plans were thwarted). But it was a great day. One of my New Year's Resolves is to have more fun with my son!

Happy New Year's Eve Mommies!

Blessings,
Aurellia

Christmas for the Little One

Hello Moms! How has your Christmas season been thus far? Well, it's almost over. Are you excited for Christmas? For those of you who celebrate the Christmas holiday, I must tell you, this Christmas season has not been the cheeriest for me. I have been sick with an ear and sinus infection. Caring for a preschooler when ill is not the easiest. However, I have managed. I will say that being sick and having a demanding work schedule has taken a lot of the enthusiasm for Christmas out of me. But I am not complaining. I say all this to say that I have reflected on the meaning of Christmas through all of this.

I was the one who, while my son was in the utero said I was not going to participate with my child in the commercial nature of Christmas yet I found myself every year making a list of gifts for him. How far I strayed from my initial plan. But I found myself the last couple of days wondering how much of a Christmas I wanted my son to have. I wanted him to know that Christmas was not at all about getting a whole bunch of toys, but it was a birthday celebration for Jesus...Emmanuel...Messiah. I want him to know that. I don't think he really does. I have time, right?

As you and yours settle down and anticipate the morning light to gift each other with items of love, I want you to remember this: They are just that, gifts of Love...full of passion and sacrifice.

Blessings to you Moms out there in Cyberspace...Merry Christmas,
Aurellia

A Weekend of Mayhem

I don’t know about anyone else but being a mother of a 4-year-old is a lot of work. This past weekend was a tough one because I had so much to do around the house and I wasn’t feeling all that well…and none of this mattered to my son. He still wanted to carry on life as usual. He wanted to play…and play rough. He wanted to eat…and was very picky about what and when exactly he wanted to eat. His desires and my desires were on two different pages…all weekend.

And then comes Chuck E. Cheese…the place where a kid can be a kid. Really? Not my son. He had a birthday party of one of his classmates he was invited to. I reluctantly agreed to take him. He clung to me for dear life while all the other kids were being kids. Why was he so clingy you ask? Because he has this phobia of mascots. The moment we walked in his focus was on NOT seeing Chuck E. Cheese. He stomped and he cried, cried and he stomped to stay AWAY from the mascots on the stage (who by the way cannot move). To stay as far AWAY as possible from Chuck E. Cheese. I tell you, it was so aggravating. I maintained my cool as best as I could but it still irritated me.

And then I reminded myself (hours later while at home), he is 4-years-old. He flies by the seats of his initial emotions. His ability to control himself with a rational thought (“Mommy has a lot of work to do, let me go play by myself” or “This big thing they call Chuck E. Cheese is not going to eat me alive”) is VERY limited at this age and stage in life. So who needs to get a grip? Mom. And then I laugh at myself and re-commit to have empathy and think like a 4-year-old.

Have a great day, Moms.
Aurellia

Missing him at this moment...

Good Evening Moms! As you can see, I have changed some things about the blog. Hopefully this appeals to you.

Currently, I am away from my son volunteering for my church. Normally he would have been with me but the play our teens are putting on has a older person content that I would not like to subject him too. But nevertheless...

I definitely miss him. I have not seen him since last night. (He was sleeping when I left for work this morning.) You know what I miss most? His naughty antics. Missing that is weird, I know. But it is who he is right now. He is in his naughty antic stage right now and that is who he is...and I miss him...and naughty antics is him now. Lol.

What do we outside of the home working moms do when duty calls but so does the longing in our hearts to be with our children? For me, I pray. For me, I have to tell myself that both working and being a mother are my calling. It doesn't get easier but it helps.

Blessings to you working moms,
Aurellia

Soccer Update: Breakthrough

Hi Moms. For all those who have followed my Soccer Woes, you will be glad to hear that there has been a breakthrough. He LOVES soccer. I was working on a film project this past Saturday morning and had to rely on my mother to take my 4-year old son to his Soccer game. Upon my (late) arrival, I saw my son running up the field chasing the ball. I immediately started to jump and down so excited. As I approached our teams side, the other mothers and fathers were beaming at my witnessing of his turnaround. (They had all seen him last week being this great Soccer player; I was out of town on business.) It was funny because the coaches, on the other hand, were giving me the "quiet" motion so not to get him all shy again. But low and behold, he did not retreat to what had been his norm for the past 2 1/2 months. He continued to be aggressive on Offense (even if he was kicking the ball the wrong way). I was so happy.

And you know why I was happy? Breakthrough. Not because he was succeeding at being an athlete. It was because whatever was the roadblock (my opinion, shyness and introvertedness), it was removed. The coaches and the other parents were correct: he will come into the game in his own time. Gosh! As parents how hard is it to hear that? In...their...own...time. Not ours, not societies, not even to our religious beliefs...but their own time. Their psyche works in its own way and we have to be courageous enough to let them go through these stages with love and patience.

Gosh! That was an amazing sight to see. He was happy and laughing and playing hard...because it was in his own time.

Blessings to you Mommies out there!
Aurellia

Guns, Knives and Other Things Used to Kill Cartoons

Ok, is it just me or are other Mommies out there so not ok with their little one playing with McDonald Happy Meal toy characters (who look like real people) that use knives and guns? After soccer, I went ahead and a Happy Meal for my son. As I am taking everything out of the bag (he had already been given the toy), I notice he is making shooting noises with his mouth. I looked over at amazement and said, "What is that?" He said, "It's a knive and a gun." I said, "What are those for?" He said, "To kill people." I stopped for a moment and thought to myself, How do I address this one? So I simply had the conversation with him that killing people is not a good thing. He said he understood but went right back to playing with the toy.

This had me thinking about the impact playing with these toys and watching cartoons where weapons are used. These are bad, I told him. This behavior isn't good, I said. But then my mind went to the current wars around the world that are being fought, in the name of Justice and Liberty. How is this any different than the man in Santa Clara, CA who shot and killed people at his job in the name of Justice? Where is the line drawn as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable?

I hear that boys will be boys and let them play with these toys and video games and watch these cartoons; it's only pretend. But then I wonder what type of precedence this sets in his mind as to what are appropriate tools to use when one is attempting to 'defend' their own rights and honor? Deal with their anger and frustration? So many studies have been conducted that have shown men who were exposed to violence on television at a young age over a period of time were likely to have commited crimes and serve jail time. And let's not add other statistics to the case which aided in the outcome of their "freedom".

Goodness! I guess him not playing in the soccer games are the least of my concerns these days.

Blessings,
Aurellia

Bedtime Wars...er um...Bedtime Woes...oh, um...I mean, Bedtime Memories

Ladies, I am having the most difficult time these nights with the lil one. For starters, he is not wanting to close eyes and sleep in the dark because he doesn't want to have bad dreams. He doesn't want to see the bear. I'm like, "What?! You've got to be kidding me!? When did all this begin, I asked myself. Well, regardless of how and when this started, the fact is that it is here and it is in full effect: He is afraid of the dark.

Bedtime has become a full on War and I then go into a Woe is Me mode the next morning when I am exhausted from getting to bed late. I am not at all trying to hear that this is normal. Normal? Not normal for me. I wasn't afraid of the dark. (Before you get upset with me, remember, I am the mom who has a hard time accepting the fact that my child is not me.)

So you know what his remedy for the situation? Me sleep with him. And you know, even though I say no, he finds his way in my bed. And then I wake up at the edge of the bed with arm cramps and muscle tension. Goodness! I have to find a way through this. I have to get some sleep. I think I am so concerned with what the Psychologists and Child Development and Jo from SuperNanny have to say about kids not sleeping in bed with Mom, I am being sleep deprived. I actually got a pass from a Doc I know who actually went through something similar with his son. He said something so practical: What harm is it to provide safety and nurture to your preschooler?

So for now, I think I'm going to side with sleep and have good Bedtime Memories than Bedtime Woes.

Sleeptight Moms,
Aurellia

Soccer

Hi Mommies. Today is Thursday. This means that it is Soccer Practice. I wish I could say that I was more excited than I am but I have to be completely honest: I am not excited one bit. Why am I not excited to participate in the fun of my preschooler playing in his first sport? Because he DOESN'T. He just stands there on the field sulking. I am completely drained by the end of the practice from all of my anxiety.

I know, I am putting way too much on it. But really, I have all sorts of feelings running through my body. First off, I am thinking that he is miserable and I have him out there participating in something that I want him to do. But then I remind myself that HE wanted to play soccer. Second, I am feeling sad because I notice that all of the other 4 and 5-year-olds seem to know everyone and he doesn't know a single kid. Then I realize that he doesn't have my exuberant personality when it comes to being social and have to come to terms with that. Third, I am upset because after my long day of very emotionally draining work and a hot commute ride home, I am sitting outside for another hour watching my son stand or walk during SOCCER (the game where everyone runs most of the time!

I know you want to take me and probably shake me a little and tell me to get a grip. I know. I am overreacting but I just don't understand. He wanted to play and he stands there. He says it is because I am there watching him. Oh give me a break. He says it is because Coach told him that one person will run and the other person will walk. Oh come on. Really? LOL.

And then after I am done projecting my expectations of enjoyment and fulfillment on him, I am quiet within to realize that he IS 4 years old and this IS a new "thing" and environment for him. He is NOT me. He has rhythm all his own and I have to allow him to flourish and blossom on his own at his own pace. Now, if this same scenario happens next year, there will be NO MORE SOCCER!

Blessings,
Aurellia

A Hug to Last a Lifetime

Hi Mommy bloggers! It has been a while since I last blogged. Why? Because I don't like reaching out to the cyberworld? Of course not! Because I have nothing to blog about? Certainly not! It has been because there has been so much change and transition taking place in my life that I haven't had the opportunity to catch myself up. But today is the day.

I have started a new job. A job that is in my passion field. (This means a career that has something to do with what I am passionate about). This job is not only in my passion-field but it has a great benefit package that would suit my family's lifestyle a lot better than my previous job.

But every good thing comes with its sacrifices...

I have a really tough schedule which would have me making decisions regarding my child that I just am not comfy with. I have a choice of what part of his day I will participate in-drop off or pick up. See, my new job is an hour commute from our home. His school's hours would not meet my schedule of needing to drop him off or pick him up. So you can imagine the heartache I feel when "Mom's gotta do what mom's gotta do."

The first day was tough...Mommy no longer worked at his school in the office and he realized that. So our "Good-bye" took longer than usual. He just held on and would not let me go. At first I am thinking that he is just playing but something in his hug let me know that this was real...he really didn't want to let me go. So on day 5 of this new journey we are on, I just held on a little longer. He put his lil head on my shoulder and I held on a little longer.

If I were to never get another hug from my son, this hug could last me a life.

Blessings to you,
Aurellia

Day 2 Weekend without my son

Day 2 without my son

733a
I don't know if this is considered day 2 but it sure feels like it. I heard that he is doing well. He is being himself. I woke up this morning around 530a like usual and felt that instant twinge that he wasn't in his bed. I was in his bed. Yes, I slept in his bed. Don't misunderstand, he has been away before; I have been away before. And it's always hard being away from him. So as for me, I am up making Banana Nut muffins for a grieving friend couple of mine and then off to our youth group's firework booth. Le sigh...

1014a
At starbucks now about to do some work. There is a sense of calm knowing that he is somewhere with someone not because I NEED him to be but rather for recreational purposes.

513p
I am having a time at the firework booth. My son is having a ball at Auntie's house. I just want to see his face. I want to hear him say "But Mommy..."

742p
So I called a friend to lament about being without my son and how much I missed him. Do you know what he told me? "You reeeeally need to get out more." He said that with so much conviction in his voice. He didn't explain further but I assume it had something to do with not enjoying time "off" from caring for my son.

I was a little offended. But then I thought about it a little later and I asked myself, Do I hide behind caring for my son? I don't think so but maybe I do. Maybe I allow myself to be overly consumed with caring for my son to actually go out and socialize for me. Maybe. Or maybe I am just a mother/parent who assumes responsibility for the one whom she's responsible for.

819p
And I'm calling it a night.

Blessings,
Aurellia

My Weekend without Big Baby Boy

Weekend without my son

523p
Day one without my son. It has been three hours and I am like "It is too quiet. Something is wrong." It just feels like something is wrong. I always visualize about what it would be like to have a couple hours to myself. Now that I have a whole weekend, I dont know what to do with it.

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I am here at the comedy show supporting family and I am sitting in the back. You know why? I am a little sleepy because i just woke up. Yes, I fell asleep after coming home. I had no son to play with, take to potty, feed, play with, scold, take to potty. Life without him? I dont know what that feels like. I dont think I like it.

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I am at this great event but I can not but stop thinking about big boy. I definitely miss him. Wonder what he's doing? I think I am going to call the sitter.

1114p
Having a good time at the comedy show. Laughing as if there is no care in the world. I did text my Godsister and she said they were at church and he was sleeping. She said he had a great time, made friends, ran around. Just retelling the story makes me smile because I can just feel his spirit so happy and carefree. Ahhhh...true connection. I couldn't miss him growing for anything in the world...

Normalcy

 

I recently saw a Facebook post that spoke of appreciating "normal". It was referencing the mother's family life...a moment in their life when things felt normal. It was such a coincidence because at that very moment I felt so abnormal. Here I was at the coffee shop at 7 in the morning because my son was at his father's house where he spent the night. (Something I may not have mentioned to you bloggers-I am separated (almost divorced) from my husband and am a single parent). I was saying to God how I hated that I could not wake up to "normal".

But what struck me as well is that, in America, what I was defining as "abnormal" is sooo "normal". Single parent homes are normal. Marital separation and divorce are normal. That hurts my heart. It makes me grieve for my son, for me, and for others living our life or one similar.

We make lemons into lemonade, but what is wrong with truly desiring the garden?

I am not saying that there is no victory for the children after a separation or divorce; there definitely IS. However, what is wrong with truly desiring and praying for "normal"?

The Trip to the Barbers

Today was such an emotion-filled day. I mean, I had just gotten back to work after 3 days of training for work. I was getting my mind geared up for being back to the office when my schedule changed so I had to get my son's hair cut off for the first time since his birth. Now, I knew that I would cry but I did not expect water works. I cried talking to my boss about getting ready to go get his hair cut, I cried while his hair was getting buzzed off, and I cried when it was almost over. Why the tears you ask? It's just hair you say. Well here's why...

Our life is changing. Our life is moving forward in a direction that I am unsure of but am ready for. His hair symbolizes so much. It means promise and commitment. It means life. At least for us...me. Cutting his hair meant that he was growing up. He is moving from being my little baby boy to my little boy. His hair meant that. It also meant in the grander scheme of things that our life was changing from the promises of the past to the uncharted waters of tomorrow.

I know, it sounds waaaay too deep for a 3.75 year old boy but for this 30 year old mama, it is deep. It just means our life is really changing. I just was in denial. But it was time to step into reality. Funny how a little trip to the barber can speak volumes.

Blessings to you,
Aurellia

Parenting

I am standing in line waiting for an appointment for my son and I just began thinking about the type of parent I am. I think I'm a pretty fair one but I am always seeking to improve my skills as a parent. I am always asking myself, "How can I meet his needs better?"

Do you do that? Probably not. Most of us parent-types parent our children giving them what WE think they need. It may seem right and noble but sometimes we are to give our children what THEY need. As a child, I really needed affection. I don't think my family realized that. They gave me what they thought I needed; and I did need some of them. But there was a big gap in what provision I was given.

Mommies, I think it is important to listen to the souls of our children and provide them with what it's crying out.

Much love to you,
Aurellia

Tantrum-Free Toddlers

On the cover of one of my favorite parenting magazines was the caption for one of the articles, "Tantrum-Free Toddlers". I didn't even want to open the magazine to the page because there is just no such thing. There is no way in the world that a toddler can be tantrum free. It is ingrained in their DNA. There brains and their souls just do not work in sync together. Their souls desire something that their brains are not able to compute and process in the timely fashion they wish. So tantrum-free? I think not. So when I did read the article, it did reveal that there is in fact no totally tantrum-free toddler. The article focused on ways to "reduce" the tantrums in a child.

I am going to try these suggestions for one week and let you know how it goes.

Blessings to you and yours,
Aurellia

Just to Be Close to You...

I made the absolutely best and yet no brainer decision last week. I brought my son to the preschool I work at last week after deliberating for almost 6 months. I didn't want to take him out of his school because I thought it would be too much of a transition away from a routine he knew and people he had been familiar with for the past 2 years. However, I was totally wrong. There has been such a peace of mind for me and for him. He can see me during the day and there is not that constant need to be with Mommy when we get home because he has "been with" me all day. I completely underestimated a child's need to be with their parent. I thought that familiarity was more important than for him just to be close to me. I was completely wrong. Like one mom told me the other day at church, "Make life simple when dealing with children."

Peace and Blessings to you Mom-types,
Aurellia

Mommy-Skills

I am sitting here holding him, rocking him to sleep--he is sick. I know how to care for a sick person but there are times when he's sick, I am at a loss for what to do.

Being a Mommy takes a lot of skill...at least to do it well. (I am reluctant to say "right" because there is always debate about what's right and what's wrong.) Skills for things (dancing, writing, singing, typing) comes naturally for the basic necessities (rhythm, hand-eye coordination) but it also requires training. Ask those questions of professionals and those Mommies before you and near you. Being a Mommy requires training at some point because no matter how many children you have, you never have the "same" child again.

My suggestion: contact your local Social Service office or Community Center for resources on parenting. They are there and always are wanting Mommies to check out what they have to offer.

Books for Mom-tips are great, too.

Blessings to you other Moms who are striving to do it well,
Aurellia

Childcare

Hello Moms! Listen up, what in the world are we to do when we must work in order to provide for our families and have to leave them in the care of others namely Pre-School/Daycare's? I don't know about you but I know for me it is very difficult. I always dreamed of being the one to nurture and teach my child during his toddler years but life was such that I had to work outside of the home. So there I go trucking him off to school. Agonizing from time to time but it's my lot.

So today, there was an unsettling in my soul when I observed him in his soon-to-be new classroom. I felt as if one of the assistant teachers was not being gentle and nurturing with him as I, his mother, would be. Now, I know that her job is not to be me, but I expect you to treat our children with a measure of love and respect as their parent would. I am actually at the point of where I do not even want to have him transition to this classroom because of this one teacher.

As working mother's what do we do when we are in this predicament? Of course, the sensible thing to do is address our concerns with the staff and administration and hope that they will love and nurture our children on our behalf.

Working mom's...let's talk about this. How do we manage this?

Blessings,
Aurellia

Violence on School Campuses

Yesterday in Placerville, CA there was a shooting on the campus of an elementary school. The gunman was the school's own janitor. The victim? The school's principal. I don't know about anyone else but this makes me a little nervous. Wait. A little? No, a lot. What in the world?! But then again, this is nothing new. Disgruntled, unstable teenagers and adult persons will find a reason in their brains to commit a violent act amongst children. It happens everywhere around the globe. So then, what are we as parents to do? Are we to lock our children up and never leave the house? Are we to trade their Osh Kosh clothing for bullet-proof attire? What is our solution? I wish I had one. As I sit at my desk at my job, I always think about my toddler. I never really think that a tragic situation may occur at his school and I may never see him again. But the truth of the matter, it might. The only thing we can do is hope and pray that the violence on school campuses end and our children are safe.

Blessings to you mothers out there,
Aurellia